Rejected

Today I auditioned for a musical.

I was not asked to come back for the call back.

This has been happening quite a lot. It has me feeling completely dejected and utterly hopeless.

Ya know, what rejection typically does to a person.

Truth is, I'm not used to not getting something. Ugh, that sounds so pretentious and blatantly uppity, but it's the truth.

Early on I was conditioned to receive everything I could ever want. Yes, I was completely spoiled--but, I worked very hard to keep what I got. My mother always said, "To whom much is given, much is required."

I got a brand new car when I turned 16, I had to maintain my grades in order to drive it. I've been given opportunity after opportunity with the expectation to deserve it.

I have to be honest with you and myself: these past few auditions I have been utterly unprepared. I haven't taken a voice lesson since 2008. My technique is rusty, my songs are ill rehearsed, and my confidence is extremely low. The only plus I had going into this audition was my new professional headshots.

I've decided to go on the journey of performing. Even if that means not being famous, it would at least for me mean being happy. (I'm extremely unhappy at the present.)

I've decided that my time and money over the course of the next year will be best spent on making myself into the best performer I can be. I'm taking an Acting Essentials course through Mad Cow Theatre here in Orlando and starting voice lessons again next week.

Hopefully, the next time I write about an audition will be good news and even if it's not, I'll know I'd have given it my best instead of what's left.


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